Revving Up the Hate Engine

OK, maybe hate is a little bit strong. But the Sadly Unimpressed Engine just doesn't have the same ring. At any rate, if you want to make absolutely sure that I will not share your high opinion of something the easiest way to go about this is simply to extol the virtues of this hypothetical thing. Allow me to illustrate this point with several examples pulled from ancient through recent history.

Clerks - Back in the college years I remember coming back to school after a semester of working at a co-op job to roommates who had apparently each experienced multiple, hands-free orgasms while watching Kevin Smith's Clerks. They couldn't stop talking about how freaking awesome this movie was and how it would simply blow my mind. (Or other regions as I have already mentioned.) So I was, needless to say, somewhat let down when I saw the film the next weekend. (For this I wasted two hours? Two hours that I could have used to fritter away on some other pointless task?) Did not like. The movie Kids also falls into the category as the circumstances were identical. (May have even been the same semester?)

World War Z - I'm not a zombie aficionado, and that may have something to do with my response to this book. Regardless, I avoided it for some time simply because I was worried that I might not like it. (Also because despite my non zombie fan status I was attempting at the time to work on some zombie stuff and didn't want it tainted (or worse find that it was redundant.) At any rate, I did finally read it and was it ever a disappointment? Yes. Yes it was. I still haven't told TacoP. Hi, TacoP!

Watchmen - I think in this case that I must have read the wrong comic books. Seriously, I'm the only person in the world who doesn't think this is the best comic series EVAR. I'll probably go see the movie, though. Maybe it will somehow reach through my Super Cynical Mind Shield power. Probably not. Have to admit that I find the commercials pretty annoying.

So the upshot is that the best way to get me to like something is to not tell me that it is any good before I go to see it. Otherwise you should get ready for me to be a big fat wet blanket after I have seen/read/wahtevered the work in question. Also note that I will, in return, rarely speak highly of works that I like in non subjective/personal terms. Because I want you to like it!

Not Made Up

So the Grimmlet and I are eating dinner the other night when she says this. I should point out that she had just received an award for reading which is why we were eating such fare.

Grimmlet: "Daddy, why do you have a sad meal?"
Me: "Bwuh?"
Grimmlet: "Well, I have a happy meal with a toy, and yours didn't come with a toy."

It is all true. My meal didn't come with a toy. Of course, all I got was a McChicken sandwich. Not a meal at all really. But I was happy to stop eating after I finished it. (Although later I did eat something else to wash the taste out of my mouth.)

They must be Italian glass shards

A little bit of background information is necessary here. Firstly, the Grimmlet loves the movie The Christmas Story. Absolutely loves it. She has loved it for years and, in fact, we are supposed to be going to see it in play form this coming weekend. Hope it doesn't suck. Secondarily, I recently ordered some wine glasses for a wedding present that ended up being delivered to my house. Which is where the Grimmlet found them...

Grimmlet: Dad, there's a box outside.
Me: OK. Bring it inside, please.
[Some struggle ensues. Eventually the box is manhandled inside.]
Grimmlet: Fra-Frag...Fra-jee-lay! Just like in the Christmas Story.
[I turn and look at her quizically.]
Grimmlet: It means fragile, dad.

Yays!

So the Grimmlet is back with me and my quote standards are low. But this is funny to me. It all begins with some old pre-K art projects that she found.

Grimmlet: Look! Here's a snowman! And here's a gingerbread man! And look at all the food I used!

She holds up a sheet of construction paper with a large seven drawn on in marker. Inside the borders are numerous pieces of dry pasta.

Me: Mmmm. Looks delicious.

(Mind this is immediately after lunch.)

Grimmlet: [crunch]
Me:...
Grimmlet: [crunch] [crunch-crunch]
Me:...
Grimmlet: [crunch]
Me: What are you eating?
Grimmlet: Food. Pasta from my art project.
Me: Gah! That's several years old! Gross! Go spit it out!

Please Do Not Hump

A sentiment that I do not hold. Except as it relates to dogs and my leg. Otherwise it is all good.

Anyhow, as is immediately apparent from the title of this post, I went for a train ride the other day. For the Thanksgiving day, specifically. Which is to say that I left on the day before Thanksgiving but arrived at my destination very early on Thanksgiving day.

It was quite chilly when I got off of the train and I immediately realized that I had forgotten my hat. Now, forgetting one's hat in Florida is rarely a problem. Even in February. But it was quite a bit cooler in SC than I am now accustomed to experiencing. My head did not appreciate the lack of hat (and hair.) This is why I cannot ever live north of the 30th parallel. I don't get along so well with cold.

Now I have been without the Grimmlet for almost 2 weeks. This sucks for obvious reasons, but it also means that I have not had any new opportunities to gather conversation scraps to feed the blog monster. So I will make some up about the train ride:

Me: Are you enjoying the train ride?
Grimmlet: [snore]
Me: Oh, right. It is awfully late.

Me: Do you mind if I continue playing Pokemon without your input?
Grimmlet: [snore]
Me: Oh, right. It is awfully late.

And on the return trip...

Me: [Giggling]
Grimmlet: Why are you shaking? I'm trying to sleep.
Me: That train has a sign that says "Please Do Not"...You know what? Go to sleep. It's very early.

The Kindergardner Cop

I decided to post this conversation almost immediately after it happened. Then I put it off. Then I couldn't remember the hilarious thing the Grimmlet said. Then I forgot about the affair altogether. I relay all of this information as I cannot remember the details of the events that led to this conversation. Sorry.

Grimmlet [proudly] : Look how fat my tummy is! [Lifts shirt for better appreciation of her fat tummy.
Me: Wow. [Rubbing her buddha belly.] It's quite firm. Are you sure it isn't a tumor?
Grimmlet: [Eying her tummy a little suspiciously.] Hmm.
Me: Now you say, 'It's naht ah toomah!'
Grimmlet: It's not a tumor?
Me: Right.
Grimmlet: It's naht ah toomah!
Me: [Cracking up.]

Holy Freakin' Cow

I'm going to have to go back and read P.K. Dick's DADOES. I just saw the final cut version of Bladerunner and I am just totally blown away. And the weird thing is that I am sure I have seen it before (original or extra crispy cut) but I have almost no memory of it. (And no real positive memories, certainly.) Is this one of the5 movies that is as good as the book on which it is based? And what are the other four? I need to know these things, people!

Also, it turns out that the cow used in the title of this post was totally not a real cow. Getting a real cow apparently would have blown the budget.

Low Hanging Fruit

Wow. I think I may be able to increase my post frequency if I keep on doing these Grimmlet conversations. At least until she grows up into a surly teenager who hates being seen in the same county as her totally uncool dad.

At the Wagon Wheel Pizza for dinner last night...
Me: What do you want to get? They have pasta and pizza and strombolli. Do you want to try a strombolli?
Grimmlet: I want pizza.
Me: OK, they have lots of different types. Here's one with lots of toppings on it. [Listing off all the toppings.]
Grimmlet: I don't want olives on my pizza.
Me: Well, we can pick those off.
Grimmlet: OK.

Later as she is picking half-heartedly at her food:
Grimmlet: I just remembered that I wanted a cheese pizza.

---

So I also got anchovies on the pizza. I had never had them before. It wasn't horrible, but they are pretty darn salty. Also, fishy. Though I was expecting that. I think the Grimmlet actually liked them more than I did. She likened them to tuna.

Long, Long Ago

File this under possible reasons to not read Laura Ingals Wilder books to a five year old.

Me (Reading): Mewwy Chwistmas! Mewwy Chwistmas!
Grimmlet: Grace can talk now!
Me: Yes, she's getting older.
Grimmlet: Is she alive?
Me: Do you mean in real life? No, not anymore. She died a long, long time ago.
Grimmlet: I miss her.
...
Grimmlet: Do you remember the time you were reading and I was crying and you didn't know I was crying?
Me: Um... Not specifically, no.
Grimmlet: I miss them all.

Things Get Lost

A couple snippets of conversation with the Grimmlet in the car on the way to school after a trip to the doctor's office to get a flu shot. (A trip that consisted of kicking and screaming in the waiting room culminating in me carrying the unwilling Grimmlet into the hall. Therein she demanded to be released to walk by herself, which she managed to do. However, once in the examination room she resumed kicking and screaming and, at one point, took a swipe at the nurse. Her pediatrician, who is usually able to calm her very easily, had to be summoned to physically restrain her to allow the nurse to give her the shot.)

Grimmlet: Daddy, I think you should stop for a treat to reward me for being so good at the doctor's.
Me: ...

And later:

Grimmlet: Daddy, I'm hungry!
Me: What happened to all that food you ate for breakfast?
Grimmlet: It got lost in my tummy.
Me: (Trying not to cause an accident while laughing.)
Grimmlet: What's so funny?